Monday, August 31, 2015

Things shouldn't make you happy. You should have things you need and love. Things you use up. Why build up on stuff that is shallow and have no reason? Why create more waiste?

People should build their own empires based on integrity and hardwork. Not on easy way ups and on the blodd and sacrifice of others.

You are not better because you have more things, you are not less because you have less things. You are who you are and that is enough. People should love you for being you else you do't need them.

There is so much things I wish I could say to you. But sad thing, you are not worth the time.

Thursday, August 20, 2015

Christina Perri - Jar of Hearts [Official Music Video]

Despertar de un sueno se siente como tener una memoria nueva.

Aveces que despierto de un sueno realmente vivido, me empiezo a preguntar si alguna vez lo vivi.
Me pasa que despierto con ese sentimiento, esa sensacion de haber sido realidad.

Ayer sone que me besabas. Que te robaba un beso. Se sintio tan juvenil, tan fresco, tan travieso. Sone que me regresabas el beso y se sentia calido, romantico, y tierno. Desperte y senti un sentimiento de melancolia. Tenia la imagen toda la manana en mi mente, como si hubiese sido una de tantas memorias escondidas, olvidadas en una de esas puertas de el pasillo de lo mas oscuro de mi cerebro. Que extranio se sentia mi corazon. Calido y confuso como volver a revivir el primer amor. Como si todo lo que mi subconsiente planto en esas horas de descanzo, al abrir mis ojos hubiese venido de un mundo donde si exististe. Como si en vez de ser un fantasma hubieses respondido a mis plegarias.

Al despertar y sentir esa pequena felicidad de el pasado, volvi a cerrar mis ojos, Queria una vez mas tener ese sentimiento que se siente cuando uno es joven, cuando se empieza a vivir. Eso que se siente en el cuerpo descanzado y listo para la aventura. No en este templo viejo, gastado y usado que duele, tiembla y se cae. Queria seguir sonado contigo y la intimidad que nunca existio. Con tu caricia y con el sentimiento de no haber despertado sola en la cama.

Hoy espero volver a sonar contigo. Con esa timidez de el primer beso. Con mis ojos cerrados y una sonrisa marcada en mi boca. Con el corazon acelerado y con tu mano en mi mejilla. Con el pulso marcando cada segundo de el reloj. Y me pregunto,todo eso lo vivi alguna vez, sera mi memoria o simplemente un suenio con sensacion de haber sido realizado.

Thursday, August 13, 2015

Your memory feels like a chill. Like a breeze of cold air in the middle of the summer.



It's so blue and clear in the sky outside today, the warmth from the sun covers my entire body but in the shadow I feel cold. I always thought summer was hot and sweaty until we separated. Summer always bought the best of me. The happy, cheerful and positive self that once loved you. Gosh! who am I kidding, I will never stop loving you. I love you like family. Like a sister or brother. The kind of love that hurts most when it gets betrayed. I feel like crying, and talking about us breaks my voice into little sobs I am trying to control.

I think I am faking it pretty well.

Summer makes me happy. Swimming away the problems in fresh, clear water. Holding my breath for a second, I focus on something else. I go out of the water with my wet hair and feel the chemicals run through my arms, my legs. I see the drops fall back into the whole.I smell that sweet chlorine, fill my lungs. I really love swimming.

I think I can forget about you.

Winter is coming. And no, not everything is gray and white. Not eveything is summer and winter. We have season and still they don't matter. I can't stop thinking of how lonely it will be when Christmas comes. How I will go home and you won't be there. How much is going to hurt not seeing you.

I won't tell anyone if you don't tell no one. But still the truth always come out. Why am I the one that has to hide? I never did wrong. On the contrary I thought I was doing you a favor. What happened? ! Why did you turn your back on me and acted like I never existed. You ceased to smile, to laugh at my jokes, to look at me with those puppy eyes. You were so grateful and so was I.

Winter always brings the worst of me. The grumpy, the lonely, and the sad. Getting out of your heart was like going outside when it's snowing. And even though you may think it's beautiful, the truth is that is very cold. It's freezing, and who likes to freeze anyways. Who likes to be outside for hours knocking on a door that won't open.   Who likes to walk in the middle of a storm.

I don't think that even you would.
And if it is true, I don't believe it was true friendship.

Tuesday, August 11, 2015

Walking on fields of daisies and filling my lungs with herbal scent of chamomille on a sunny day. Running to the cold lake for a swim and picking up blueberries and wildberries, that is how I imagined the best summer of my life. Going back home and then figuring out that you haven't say hi in more than two weeks does break my heart a little though.

I wish I could live in that eternal summer. The breeze in my face, the smells of the wild, the ground on my feet. Then reality crushes and comes in like a creeping shadow. And I feel so alone. The friends I always thought I had are no more than illusions. Memories on my brain that appear to have been put there by a USB. I wish I could erase the pain that all of you cause me. I wish i had a memory pill and just forget. But I can't and as stupid as it sounds, your shadow always come back to bring me down. You can call it whatever, I call it depression.

What would you do when you know happiness is in the palm of your hand? What if we would all possess happiness like an object in our hand? I bet you would stole mine. Just like you do everytime I feel alone and dark. Everytime I feel like giving up on everyone. you make me useless, without energy, sleepy. You make me something I never was.

But better days are coming I am sure of that. i know is in two months time I would be able to decide my future. And I am excited! I am beyond words to chose where to go, where to open my wings and start living. Cause I am like a lonely bird in a cage. If you ever wondered how that felt just ask me, or him. Or him.

Saturday, May 23, 2015

Aveces me pregunto porque existo. No tengo amigos. No se que hacer con mi vida. Estoy sola en esta carcel. Quiseira mejor no existir.

Monday, May 11, 2015

Uno de esos dias en que te sientes ue no vales la pena. Siento que desperdicio mi tiempo en tonterias. Que no vivo. Me la paso encerrada y fuera del sol. Viviendo alimentandome de ideas falsas y de un monitor. Necesito un tiempo para salir y no pensar en nada. Para cambiar esta negatividad y el hoyo negro que me traga. Cuando me siento asi miles de cosas llegan a mi mente. Que no sirves para nada. Te sientes estancada. No puedo lograr metas propias. No tengo fuerza de voluntad. No tengo trabajo ni profesion. Y no hago nada de eso diploma que me esforze en sacar. Crei que eso era lo que me hacia feliz y no lo es. Pense que era diferente y mi cabeza estaba llena de ideas. Y ahora me encuentro vacia y queriendo gritar. Porque aun no encuentro mi viz. aun no se en lo que soy la mejor. Y eso me estresa demasiado. Talvez nunca encuentre mi destino. Y talvez muera con la idea de que debi haber hecho algo pero no hize nada.