Saturday, February 28, 2015

Woke up

Today I came to the realization that I am really happy right now! finally I can say that after sometime being really sad and depressed I feel very good at the moment. And if that isn't the point of life then I don't know what it is.

It has been a long way I worked really hard on high school without noticing, getting admitted to university but deciding to go to community college first. I used to work and go to school and was always very busy and stressed but that always made me feel better and productive. I was very independent and brought my car and other things I wanted with my own sweat. I finally got to university and finished it and was very lucky to never had paid money for tuiton but instead got many scholarships to complete my dream. As I stated before I worked and studied.

I experienced a lot. I was in many groups and travelled. Volleyball, basketball, student council, honor society, art association and got to experience very much in so little time. I was thought by my mother to save money to get what I wanted and with the hard work of a part time job I got enough money through the years to travel to Disneyland, Monterrey, Guadalajara and Riviera Nayarita, London, and Cancun. I dont even know how I did it till now but I always persevered.

I married to the best person ever. I am very happy to say I founf an amazing guy that trully loves me and shows it everyway he cans and I couldn't ask for more cause what else do I need. Finally, we moved to Sweden where I have plans on my own and have an amazing family with two crazy dogs and a guy. After being 7 years of being vegetarian I finally found my healthy way of eating balanced and currently working on my health and body. And have many more exciting things coming up.

Life is an adventure and I am very happy about my past, my present and excited about my future.

Saturday, February 21, 2015

Bad dream.

I totally hate this feeling. The one you have when you wake up from a dream you didn't wanted to have.And now is snowing outside, AGAIN. It feels like the weather reflects exactly how I felt. In one hand I start seeing the bright side. The past snow is melting and the ice is slowly going away leaving a rocky path for me to follow and don't look at every step I make but then a cloud rains over me bringing more coldness, shadow and gray. And it starts snowing again and then all the sunshine is out and then I feel down and all those bad memories come back. I didn't come out of a depression to fall again. Like an addict I want to let go and leave all those attachments behind the ones that once used to captured me and seemed that they would never let go. But at least today all those old addictions seemed to appeared in my dreams and haunt me again like a ghost. I hope today I don't dream. I hope it would stop snowing.

Lo Sabia y te lo Dije.

Siempre te dije que llegaria algun dia. Y siempre me juraste que no. Que nunca serias mi fantasma. Ahora solo me encuentro despertando de un amargo sueno en donde me quedo tu recuerdo presente. Como odio tenerte en mi mente. Porque mi subconsiente juega con mis sentimientos. Sonando hacerca de nuestro primer beso, de nuestro ultimo beso. Sonando contigo y como cada vez me mentias, como fuiste cambiando a ser lo que ya no eres en mi vida. Despierto con una tristeza profunda. Y por mas que pasan los meses aun te tengo tan presente. Aun no te puedo borrar de esta razon.Como quisiera tomarme una pastilla para borrar tu memoria. No lo dudaria dos veces. Porque mas que amor tu me trajiste corazones rotos y desespero.Llanto y tristeza. Te ame demasiado y tu no pudiste nunca amarme igual y lo peor del caso es que aun te amo. No sera igual ni con la misma potencia que antes pero enganaste a mi corazon tal cual que no te puede expulsar.Enganaste a mi cuerpo que aun te quiere abrazar, enganaste esta boca que te quiere besar. Pero cuento los dias paraque un dia mi cuerpo convulsione antetu presencia y expulse los malos ratos que me hiciste vivir. Y que algun dia yo pueda borrarte de mi mente y poder ser mas feliz.

Saturday, February 14, 2015

no creo que vaya a estar peor

Porque soy de esas personas que se crean tantas iluciones. Tantas expectativas y despues se crean tantas decepciones. si no esperara nada no lloraria tanto. Pero enserio que hoy 
queria que fuese diferente, queria ser super feliz  y no lo fui. Imagine que iba a recibir algo que nunca llego. talvez no  merezco ese tipo de cosas. Tanta gente me molesta, me fastidia.
Tenia hambre de cosas que no pude saciar. Los sabores no son los mismos nisiquiera se parecen. No era lo que queria, me aburri, llore. Quize intentar ser mejor , pedir perdon, sonreir, pero no pude. Simplemente llore aun mas, me entristesi aun mas y luego vengo y hago una tonteria. Mande ese mensaje que nunca debi mandar. Pero aun asi nadie lo va a contestar asi que cual es el caso. Pero aun asi me siento mal de pensar en que puede pasar porque como en un circulo vicioso empiezo otra vez a hacerme ilusiones, expectativas, y de hay vienen todas mis decepciones. Y creia que no se podia poner peor.

Thursday, February 12, 2015

Love me like you do.

Why is it so hard to let go? Oh, and I was doing so fine. But then I get this rage. all this feelings that want to come out and scream to your face and ask you why? Was it that easy to forget about me? was it that easy to get out of our relationship without even looking back? And here I was crying over the end. But most importantly I believed in our friendship even if it was toxic. Even if it wasn't meant to be. Even if the world was against us. I believed those fake words that said everything was going to be ok. That everything was going to come back to how it used to. Then I found myself alone all this time without the key. That key of how to connect again. The key of happiness. The one I gave you and had to ask back because you just hurt me again and again and I can just take too much. Then I found myself in pieces and cry my eyes out asking so many questions. But there was only one answer.And it wasn't love. Cause you never loved me.

Tuesday, February 10, 2015

Funny story

Remember when you were in HS and I liked this one boy.
You were choir and sang on chapel. He was in the church group and sang in chapel.
Remember when you told him you liked him and he said he liked someone else?
Remember when your friends sent him a letter saying you loved him without your permission?
And when then later he said you could be just friends?
Do you recall him saying he wrote a song to the girl he liked?
And that he was going to ask her to be his girlfriend by dedicating the song to her in chapel?
But then he said he wanted YOU to sing it? So you practiced with him.
And you liked him and he knew and still.
But do you recall when the act was cancelled because the girl and him had a fight before the show?
And do you remember now how you found the meaning of karma?
Do you remember now?


People can be so mean.